Here’s the thing about perfectionism: it’s not all bad. In fact, some aspects of perfectionism – like attention to detail, high standards, and commitment to quality – are genuinely valuable traits that contribute to success and achievement.
But there’s a crucial difference between healthy high standards and unhealthy perfectionism. One drives you forward; the other drives you into the ground. One helps you excel; the other keeps you stuck in cycles of anxiety, procrastination, and never feeling good enough.
If you’ve ever wondered whether your perfectionism is helping or hurting you, this post will help you spot the signs of unhealthy perfectionism and show you how to shift toward a healthier approach that maintains your standards without sacrificing your wellbeing.
Defining Perfectionism
Before we dive into unhealthy perfectionism, let’s clarify what we’re actually talking about. Perfectionism is a personality trait but it’s not just about wanting things to be done well – it can turn into a complex set of beliefs and behaviours centred around setting impossibly high standards and being overly critical of mistakes.
Perfectionism typically involves:
- Setting standards that are difficult or impossible to meet consistently
- Harsh self-criticism when those standards aren’t met
- Difficulty enjoying achievements because they never feel “good enough”
- All-or-nothing thinking (it’s either perfect or it’s rubbish)
- Tying self-worth to achievement and external approval
The key insight here is that perfectionism exists on a spectrum. At one end, you have adaptive perfectionism (healthy high standards), and at the other end, you have maladaptive perfectionism (unhealthy perfectionism).
Signs of Healthy vs Unhealthy Perfectionism
Understanding the difference between healthy standards and unhealthy perfectionism is crucial for high-achievers who want to maintain their edge without burning out.
Healthy High Standards:
- You set challenging but achievable goals
- You can adjust expectations based on circumstances
- Mistakes are learning opportunities, not disasters
- You feel satisfied with excellent work, even if it’s not “perfect”
- Your self-worth isn’t entirely dependent on achievement
- You can delegate tasks to others without excessive worry
- You recognise when “good enough” is actually good enough
Unhealthy Perfectionism:
- You set impossible standards that no one could consistently meet
- You refuse to lower expectations even when circumstances change
- Mistakes feel catastrophic and trigger intense self-criticism
- Even excellent work feels inadequate if it’s not flawless
- Your value as a person feels tied to your achievements
- You struggle to trust others to do things “properly”
- “Good enough” feels like giving up or being mediocre
Research from Psychology Today shows that healthy perfectionism can actually enhance performance and wellbeing, whilst unhealthy perfectionism is associated with anxiety, depression, and decreased performance over time.
Warning Signs of Unhealthy Perfectionism
Unhealthy perfectionism often develops gradually, so you might not notice when your helpful high standards have crossed the line into harmful patterns. Here are some warning signs to watch for:
Paralysis Over Action
You find yourself procrastinating on important tasks because you’re waiting for the “perfect” time, resources, or inspiration. You’d rather not start than risk doing something imperfectly.
All-or-Nothing Thinking
Your inner dialogue sounds like: “If I can’t do this perfectly, there’s no point in doing it at all” or “Either I’m excellent or I’m a failure – there’s no middle ground.”
Chronic Dissatisfaction
No matter what you achieve, it never feels good enough. You immediately focus on what could have been better or what you need to do next, without taking time to appreciate your accomplishments.
Physical and Emotional Exhaustion
You’re constantly tired, stressed, or overwhelmed because you’re putting tremendous pressure on yourself in multiple areas of life. Your perfectionism is literally exhausting you.
Relationship Strain
Your standards are affecting your relationships. You might be critical of others, struggle to delegate, or feel frustrated when people don’t meet your expectations.
Avoidance of Challenges
Paradoxically, unhealthy perfectionism can make you avoid new opportunities or challenges because the risk of not excelling feels too threatening.
If several of these resonate with you, you’re likely dealing with unhealthy perfectionism rather than healthy high standards.
How to Shift Away from Unhealthy Perfectionism
The goal isn’t to eliminate your high standards or stop caring about quality. It’s to find a way to pursue excellence that energises rather than exhausts you. Here’s how to shift away from unhealthy perfectionism:
Redefine “Perfect” → Instead of perfect meaning flawless, redefine it as “the best I can do given my current circumstances, time constraints, and energy levels.” This allows for excellence whilst acknowledging reality.
Practice Strategic Imperfection → Deliberately choose areas where “good enough” is genuinely sufficient. This might be organising your desk, writing non-critical emails, or preparing for low-stakes social events. Start small and notice that nothing terrible happens.
Develop Process Goals, Not Just Outcome Goals → Focus on what you can control (your effort, preparation, and approach) rather than just results. This reduces anxiety and helps you maintain motivation even when outcomes aren’t perfect.
Challenge All-or-Nothing Thoughts → When you catch yourself thinking in extremes, pause and ask: “What would 80% look like? Or 90%?” Often, these levels are not only acceptable but excellent by most standards.
Set Time Boundaries → Give yourself specific time limits for tasks that could otherwise expand indefinitely. When the time is up, you’re done – regardless of whether it feels “perfect.”
Celebrate Progress and Effort → Notice and acknowledge improvements, effort, and progress, not just final outcomes. This helps retrain your brain to find satisfaction in the journey, not just the destination.
Tools for Maintaining Balance
Moving away from unhealthy perfectionism requires practical tools you can use daily:
The “Good Enough” List: Keep a running list of things that are genuinely “good enough” as they are. Reference this when perfectionist anxiety strikes to remind yourself that excellence comes in many forms.
Regular Reality Checks: Ask yourself: “Am I aiming for excellence or perfection? Is this standard helping me or hurting me? What would I advise a friend in this situation?”
Progress Tracking: Instead of only tracking outcomes, track your efforts, learning, and growth. This helps you see value in the process, not just the end result.
Energy Audits: Regularly assess where your perfectionist energy is going. Are you spending disproportionate time on tasks with minimal impact? Redirect that energy toward what truly matters.
Self-Compassion Practices: When you notice unhealthy perfectionism creeping in, treat yourself with the same kindness you’d show a good friend. You can maintain high standards whilst being gentle with yourself when you fall short.
You might find my program Safely Imperfect helpful here – it’s specifically designed to help high-achievers feel safer being imperfect whilst maintaining their standards and ambition.
When to Seek Professional Guidance
Sometimes unhealthy perfectionism is deeply ingrained and difficult to change without support. Consider seeking professional help if:
- Your perfectionism is causing significant anxiety, depression, or stress
- It’s interfering with your relationships, work, or quality of life
- You’ve tried to change on your own but keep falling back into old patterns
- You’re experiencing physical symptoms like insomnia, headaches, or digestive issues
- You’re avoiding opportunities or challenges because of perfectionist fears
Therapy can help you understand the root causes of your unhealthy perfectionism and develop personalised strategies for change. Many of my clients are surprised to discover how much more they can achieve when they’re not paralysed by perfectionist anxiety.
Remember: shifting away from unhealthy perfectionism doesn’t mean lowering your standards or becoming mediocre. It means finding a sustainable way to pursue excellence that supports your wellbeing rather than undermining it.
You can be successful, accomplished, and detail-oriented without the constant pressure and self-criticism that comes with unhealthy perfectionism. The goal is conscious excellence – pursuing high standards because you choose to, not because you feel you have to in order to be worthy.
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