“Just aim for good enough.” “Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good.” “You don’t have to be perfect all the time.” If you’re a perfectionist, you’ve probably heard these phrases more times than you can count. Well-meaning friends, colleagues, and even therapists offer this ‘good enough mindset’ advice, thinking it will help you feel less pressure and stress.
But here’s the thing: when you’re a perfectionist, the good enough mindset advice doesn’t just fall flat – it can actually make you feel worse. Why? Because telling a perfectionist to aim lower fundamentally misunderstands what drives them and what they actually need to thrive.
If you’re wondering why everyone tells you to lower your standards whilst you’re desperately trying to figure out how to maintain them without burning out, this post is for you. Let’s explore why the good enough perfectionist approach doesn’t work and what actually helps perfectionists flourish.
Why Everyone Tells Perfectionists to Aim Lower
The advice to “aim for good enough” comes from a logical place. People see perfectionists struggling with anxiety, burnout, and never feeling satisfied. They witness the stress that comes with impossibly high standards. Naturally, they think: “If high standards cause problems, lower standards must be the solution.”
The surface-level logic → It seems obvious that if perfectionism causes stress, then being less perfectionistic should reduce stress. This is the thinking behind most “good enough” advice.
Misunderstanding perfectionist motivation → Many people assume perfectionists are always motivated by external pressure or fear. They don’t realise that for many perfectionists, high standards are intrinsically motivated from a place of passion and deeply connected to their sense of identity.
One-size-fits-all solutions → The advice industry loves simple solutions that can be applied broadly. “Lower your standards” is easier to package than “learn to work with your perfectionist nature.”
Confusing perfectionism with perfectionist anxiety → Most advice targets perfectionist anxiety (the stress, overwhelm, and never feeling good enough) but treats it by attacking perfectionism itself (the high standards and attention to detail).
Missing the nuance → Rarely does anyone distinguish between healthy high standards and unhealthy perfectionist patterns. The baby gets thrown out with the bathwater.
Research from Tom Curran & Andrew Hill shows that perfectionist traits are increasing over time, suggesting that simply telling people to aim lower isn’t an effective widespread solution.
The Problem with “Good Enough” Advice for Perfectionists
When you tell a perfectionist to be satisfied with “good enough,” you’re asking them to go against their fundamental nature. It’s like asking an artist to stop caring about beauty or asking a musician to ignore rhythm. Here’s why this approach backfires:
It feels like giving up → For a perfectionist, the “good enough” mindset doesn’t feel like relief – it feels like settling for mediocrity. This creates internal resistance rather than peace.
It ignores their strengths → Perfectionist traits include valuable qualities like attention to detail, high standards, conscientiousness, and commitment to quality. Adopting a “good enough” mindset essentially asks them to diminish their strengths.
It doesn’t address the real problem → The issue isn’t that perfectionists have high standards. The issue is the anxiety, self-criticism, and all-or-nothing thinking that often accompanies those standards.
It creates identity conflict → Many perfectionists derive satisfaction and meaning from pursuing excellence. Being told to aim lower can create an identity crisis rather than stress relief.
It’s vague and unhelpful → What does “good enough” actually mean? Without specific guidance, this advice leaves perfectionists feeling lost and directionless.
It can increase anxiety → For many perfectionists, knowing they’re not doing their best work actually creates more anxiety than the effort of doing excellent work.
It ignores the perfectionist’s internal experience → A good enough mindset assumes that perfectionist standards are externally imposed or they come from a place of low self-worth, when they can also be internally driven by values like craftsmanship, integrity, and personal growth.
What High-Achievers Actually Need Instead
Rather than lowering standards, perfectionists need strategies that honour their drive for excellence whilst addressing the problematic aspects of perfectionism. Here’s what actually helps:
Distinction between standards and anxiety
Help perfectionists separate their valuable high standards from the anxiety and self-criticism that can accompany them. Keep the standards if they’re helpful, address the distress.
Strategic perfectionism
Learn to be selectively perfectionist. Apply your highest standards where they matter most, and consciously choose areas where “very good” is sufficient.
Process focus over outcome focus
Shift attention from perfect results to excellent processes. Focus on giving your best effort with the resources you have available in that moment, and accepting that your best will look different on different days based on your capacity.
Sustainable excellence
Develop approaches to high achievement that don’t lead to burnout. This might include better boundaries, energy management, and self-compassion.
Flexible standards
Learn to adjust standards based on context, timeline, and importance, without feeling like you’re compromising your values.
Growth mindset integration
Embrace the idea that pursuing excellence is a journey of continuous improvement rather than a destination of flawless performance.
Emotional regulation skills
Develop tools to manage perfectionist anxiety without the all-or-nothing approach of entirely abandoning perfectionist standards.
Rather than asking “How can I lower my standards?” the thriving perfectionist learns to ask “How can I pursue excellence sustainably?”. Rather than asking “How can I not care about this?” the thriving perfectionist learns to ask “How can I meet my goals without sacrificing my wellbeing?”.
Redefining Striving for Excellence vs Unhealthy Perfectionism
One of the most helpful distinctions for perfectionists is understanding the difference between striving for excellence and unhealthy perfectionism (relentlessly striving for perfection despite the cost to your wellbeing). This isn’t about lowering standards – it’s about clarifying what you’re actually aiming for:
Striving for excellence is about → Doing your best work within available constraints of time, energy, and resources. It’s sustainable, growth-oriented, and process-focused.
Unhealthy perfectionism is about → Achieving flawless results regardless of cost. It often proves unsustainable, outcome-focused, and fear-driven by criticism or failure.
Striving for excellence embraces iteration → You can produce excellent work, receive feedback, and improve it further. Each version achieves excellence within its specific context.
Unhealthy perfectionism fears iteration → The work must be perfect on the first try. Needing revisions or improvements feels like failure rather than natural progression.
Striving for excellence considers context → What constitutes excellent work depends on the situation, audience, timeline, and stakes involved.
Unhealthy perfectionism ignores context → The same impossibly high standards apply regardless of circumstances, importance, or available resources.
Striving for excellence is intrinsically motivated → You pursue it because you value craftsmanship, growth, and meaningful contribution.
Unhealthy perfectionism can be fear-motivated → Sometimes it stems from fear of judgment, criticism, or not being good enough.
This reframe allows perfectionists to maintain their high standards whilst developing a healthier relationship with them. You’re not settling for less – you’re pursuing excellence more strategically.
The “Conscious Excellence” Approach
Instead of the ‘good enough’ mindset, I recommend what I call “Conscious Excellence” – a way of maintaining high standards whilst avoiding perfectionist pitfalls:
Intentional standard-setting
Consciously decide where to apply your highest standards rather than applying them everywhere by default. Ask: “Where does excellence matter most in this situation?”
Resource-aware excellence
Factor in your available time, energy, and resources when defining what excellent work looks like. Excellence within constraints is still excellence.
Values-driven standards
Ensure your standards align with your actual values rather than imposed expectations. What does excellence mean to you personally?
Iterative improvement
View excellence as a practice of continuous refinement rather than one-shot perfection. Each iteration can be excellent in its own right.
Contextual flexibility
Adjust your definition of excellence based on the situation. A quick email and a major presentation require different approaches to quality.
Process appreciation
Find satisfaction in the pursuit of excellence, not just in achieving it. The journey of craftsmanship has inherent value.
Self-compassionate excellence
Maintain high standards whilst treating yourself with kindness when you fall short. This creates sustainability rather than burnout.
The perfectionist who tries to squeeze themselves into the ‘good enough’ mindset struggles because they’re caught between two extremes: impossible striving for perfection and unsatisfying mediocrity. Conscious Excellence offers a third path that honours both your drive and your wellbeing.
How to Maintain Standards While Reducing Pressure
The key to moving beyond the ‘good enough’ mindset dilemma is learning to maintain your standards whilst reducing the pressure and anxiety that can accompany them:
Separate effort from outcome → You control your effort, preparation, and process. Many factors beyond your control influence outcomes.
Time-box your perfecting → Set specific time limits for refining work. When the time is up, you’re done – regardless of whether it feels perfect. This prevents endless tweaking.
Define “done” criteria → This prevents moving goalposts and helps you recognise when your work meets your standards.
Practice strategic imperfection → Deliberately choose low-stakes areas to practice being “imperfect.” This builds tolerance for imperfection or ‘less than perfect’ work without compromising what matters most.
Develop internal validation → Learn to assess your work using your own standards rather than constantly seeking external approval.
Create feedback loops → Build systems for getting input on your work so you can improve iteratively rather than trying to get everything perfect on the first attempt.
Celebrate process wins → Acknowledge effort, growth, learning, and improvement – not just perfect outcomes. This keeps motivation sustainable long-term.
If this resonated with you then you’ll love my program Safely Imperfect – it’s specifically designed to help perfectionists feel safer being imperfect whilst maintaining their standards and ambition.
Remember: the goal isn’t to become a ‘good enough’ perfectionist. The goal is to become a conscious and intentional perfectionist who can pursue excellence (when you want to) without sacrificing wellbeing. Your high standards are a strength – you just need better strategies for pursuing them sustainably, when it matters to you. Rather than practicing making ‘good enough’ decisions or doing a ‘good enough’ piece of work – see what it feels like to aim for either ‘conscious excellence’ or ‘intentional progress’ instead, based on what’s needed.
Useful Links
Related Posts:
- How to Spot Unhealthy Perfectionism (And Shift to Healthy High Standards)
- Why Perfectionists Struggle to Feel Content & What To Do About It
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